Category Archives: Necessary Inventions

Phonebloks – Phones of Tomorrow

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Not long ago I saw a video on Facebook of a revolutionary new concept for phones. Whereas modern smartphones generate an unparalleled amount of waste – due to planned obsolescence, routine wear and tear, the inability to replace or upgrade parts, etc. – this video demonstrated an entirely new way to think about cellular technology. These phonebloks – phones of tomorrow, hopefully – are completely customizable and upgradable. At least in theory.

Continue reading Phonebloks – Phones of Tomorrow

The Car Link

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My road trip down to Bonnaroo (detailed in depth here) taught me a lot of things – music festivals can be fun no matter what, sushi is delicious everywhere, and the North East is by one of the unfriendliest places I have ever been. Specifically, one thing I really got out of my trip, perhaps sadly, is how useful it would be to have someone invent a car link. We drove down in two cars, and being able to stay in site of each other – while not vital – was always preferred.

Car Link
 Photo Credit at 99traveltips.com

For those who have never driven in tandem – either leading another car, or worse, following someone else – driving can be a somewhat harrowing experience if you are in a high traffic area and only one car knows where it is really going. Luckily, during our trip, we never really had any problems beyond having to cut off a car every now and then to maintain site of the lead (we were almost always in back).

Of course, constantly having to weave in and out of traffic to maintain visual contact with the car you are following poses inherent risks. What happens if you cut off a car that can’t stop in time? What happens if you need to speed to catch up with the people you’re following? It would just be inherently easier if you could signal to other cars on the road that the two cars are somehow linked.

Of course, this car link can’t be anything physical, otherwise you would be adding all sorts of dangers to the road. Instead, the link should just be something visible that signals to other cars that you are driving in tandem – sort of like a reminder. Perhaps the best way to do this would be through some sort of light.

Just as cars signal (hopefully) when they turn or change lanes, so too should there be some sort of signal to indicate you are following someone else. I am not a scientist or an engineer, so I can not really come up with the specifics of what it would be like, but I imagine it would be some sort of light link between the two cars… although, having written this, I think I might have been watching too much Sci-fi recently.

car link

Ideally, this connection would exist (without the fear of blinding other drivers). There should probably be some sort of security feature, too, to stop someone from randomly being able to start following someone else – we have enough stalking through Facebook, already. I guess to prevent this, then, cars could have some sort of onboard computer that would have to accept each car link request.

I don’t know how doable this is, but it could be a nice feature to reduce some driving stress.

Speaker Bras

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speaker bra
Photo credit at ilovemybra.com and instructables.com

Few things get people as excited in this world as music and breasts. Try and argue all you like, at the end of the day everyone – regardless of gender – will always love to rock out to their favorite tunes, whatever they may be. As for boobs, I always assumed that only guys really ever paid attention to them, but, much to my amazement, I was told on Monday that girls can have boob envy just as much – if not more – than guys.

So, both genders enjoy – or at least spend a lot of time thinking about – music and breasts. If only there was someway in which these things could be combined…

Well, fret no more! With Speaker Bras all your dreams can come true!

How often have you been enjoying a romantic moment with the date of your dreams, only to wish that you could pipe in your favorite mood music? Ever felt the need to spontaneously dance, only to have a lack of music keep you down? Or maybe you’re trying to find the perfect gift for your kinky girlfriend, but edible panties just seem so boring!

Speaker Bras fill all these needs, and more! With these amazing items, your favorite music will never be far from your chest. These can also be doubled, for the more adventurous of you, as tension relievers! Just put on your favorite dubstep song, turn up the bass, and enjoy the amazing release provided by your own Speaker Bras.

Gentlemen, watch out! Coming soon – Speaker Jocks  – for the man who has nothing to hide.

Speaker Bras – because music is best when it comes from the heart.

Warrior Pope

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There is something inherently bad ass, beyond any explainable reason, about the term warrior pope. Maybe it is due to the juxtaposition of terms, or maybe it is just trying to imagine Pope John Paul II with a giant ax, that causes this to seem hilariously and magnificently cool.

Whatever the case may be, my friend Steve and I were sitting around one day when our playful banter slowly degenerated into us trying outdo each other’s last ridiculous idea. Similar to Han and Greedo, it is impossible to say which one of us planted the seed for the best idea in existence first, but we both certainly helped to germinate and nurture it.

The idea was simple, we feverishly agreed while lounging on opposing couches. All we had to do was learn to program games for iPhones and Androids, and then we would be set. What was the idea for the game, you ask? Simple! The game would start just after the world’s most famous, and sexy, exorcist was voted into popehood by the College of Cardinals. Of course, the Devil can not stand to have his arch-nemesis – an uber-demon banisher – become pope, so he opens up the gates of Hell straight into Vatican City.

Warrior Pope
demotivationalposters.org

As demon spawn spew out into the world, they begin possessing every cardinal they see. The game starts here, and proceeds in a simple platform method. As a heavily pissed-off and radicalized warrior pope – I’m imagining a cross between Duke Nukem and Pope Urban II – , you set off on a mission to free all the cardinals’ from the demonic grasp of the hell-spawn.

Here, the game becomes like a cross of the classic Mario Brothers games and Dante’s Inferno. As the pope battles his way first into Hell, and then through each progressive layer of Hell until reaching the Devil at the center, you must exercise the demons out of each cardinal you find.

Each level would also have mini-bosses and actual bosses, which would consist of progressively stronger and angrier demons rooted deep in the cardinals’ souls.

Maybe there could also be power-ups, such as being able to ride around in the pope-mobile or having invincibility while wearing your pope-hat.

Honestly, I just love the idea of playing as a 16-bit pope casting out demons. At the end of the game he could even take a little bow while giving Satan the finger; it would be adorable.