Huoratron

Huoratron – The Ideal Music for Your Torture Dungeon

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How often have you been sitting in your torture shed – or, if you are particularly affluent, your torture dungeon – just to think: “Well, sure, this dungeon is pretty good, but I just feel like it’s missing a little something. It’s missing a soundtrack to match exactly what is going on here.” And sure, you’ve probably thought of all the typical soundtracks, such as playing Epic Sax Man on loop for eternity, but that just doesn’t quite fit…

Sure, maybe there’s nothing as existentially terrifying as hearing this over and over and over, but, I don’t know, it just doesn’t suit the chains and saws the way you would want it to, does it? “So, what else can I use?” you think loudly to yourself. “I’ve already considered Nine Inch Nails, Korn, and Nickelback but none of them has that certain something – that pizzazz – that you know you need to help separate your dungeon from all the others popping up on your block.”

Well, luckily for you – and all of us, really – I have the music suggestion that will undeniably separate your 5-star dungeon from everyone elses. Huoratron. Say it with me, now, Huor-a-tron. Very good.

“But, who is Huoratron?” you might ask. Great question! He’s the newest, coolest, grittiest and most badass electronic artist I’ve ever heard; however, to say that he is electronic wouldn’t be fair to him. Huoratron is special. It takes a special type of man to start of his career by creating music through two gameboys plugged into a mixer. He really should be given his own genre…something like Huor-step, or Huor-core. It’s hard to illustrate exactly what his music sounds like without listening to it – it is almost beyond words.

Unfortunately, two of his songs from his new album, Cryptocracy, that are most fitting for use in your dungeon are not yet on YouTube: the songs are called “Dungeons and Dungeons” and “Sea of Meat.” In light of this, I fully recommend buying his album here.  There is really no time to waste. Your dungeon must be improved.

If, however, my review doesn’t quite convince, then by all means watch the video to his single – Cryptocracy.

It’ll work doubly well if your victim…I mean, guest…is also epileptic. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

However, if your torture dungeon is less about the torture and more about master-slave relationships, I also fully recommend “Male Bonding.” Just something about the sharp electronic soundscapes and the rough beats just yells sex dungeon to me. I hope you agree…

Doesn’t that song just remind you of your full-body leather gimp suit in your closet, and your door-frame hand cuffs?

Huoratron’s music really is something unique. I just can’t get enough of his glitchy sounds, rough beats, and extremely intense – though very sparse – vocal samples. His music is dark and gritty and is a nice contrast to all the other bro-step artists out there. He does Finland proud.

Favorite quote from his music: “Choke!”

Penny for your thoughts