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Warrior Pope

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There is something inherently bad ass, beyond any explainable reason, about the term warrior pope. Maybe it is due to the juxtaposition of terms, or maybe it is just trying to imagine Pope John Paul II with a giant ax, that causes this to seem hilariously and magnificently cool.

Whatever the case may be, my friend Steve and I were sitting around one day when our playful banter slowly degenerated into us trying outdo each other’s last ridiculous idea. Similar to Han and Greedo, it is impossible to say which one of us planted the seed for the best idea in existence first, but we both certainly helped to germinate and nurture it.

The idea was simple, we feverishly agreed while lounging on opposing couches. All we had to do was learn to program games for iPhones and Androids, and then we would be set. What was the idea for the game, you ask? Simple! The game would start just after the world’s most famous, and sexy, exorcist was voted into popehood by the College of Cardinals. Of course, the Devil can not stand to have his arch-nemesis – an uber-demon banisher – become pope, so he opens up the gates of Hell straight into Vatican City.

Warrior Pope
demotivationalposters.org

As demon spawn spew out into the world, they begin possessing every cardinal they see. The game starts here, and proceeds in a simple platform method. As a heavily pissed-off and radicalized warrior pope – I’m imagining a cross between Duke Nukem and Pope Urban II – , you set off on a mission to free all the cardinals’ from the demonic grasp of the hell-spawn.

Here, the game becomes like a cross of the classic Mario Brothers games and Dante’s Inferno. As the pope battles his way first into Hell, and then through each progressive layer of Hell until reaching the Devil at the center, you must exercise the demons out of each cardinal you find.

Each level would also have mini-bosses and actual bosses, which would consist of progressively stronger and angrier demons rooted deep in the cardinals’ souls.

Maybe there could also be power-ups, such as being able to ride around in the pope-mobile or having invincibility while wearing your pope-hat.

Honestly, I just love the idea of playing as a 16-bit pope casting out demons. At the end of the game he could even take a little bow while giving Satan the finger; it would be adorable.

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